Don’t Let Your Nerves Get the Best of You

You have a radar system of sorts in your body that is constantly scanning the world for cues that it’s safe and cues that there is danger nearby. What it recognizes impacts your mood and behavior, your relationships with others (and yourself), and how you view the world in general.

This system is the autonomic nervous system and it does a lot more than just identify safety and danger. For example, right now your autonomic nervous system is keeping your heart beating, your body temperature regulated, and your lungs breathing all without you having to think about any of these activities. But it’s these signals of safety and danger that I’d like to explore and discuss in this post.

Nervous system structure

The autonomic nervous system has two parts: parasympathetic and sympathetic. The parasympathetic nervous system, when it’s functioning as it should, is responsible for functions which can be grouped as “rest and digest”. This is the desired and most healthy state of our nervous system if there is no danger detected. But it can also cause the “freeze” response in the face of danger, which can be either helpful or detrimental depending on the danger at hand.

The sympathetic nervous system kicks in when it senses danger and triggers reactions that can be grouped as “fight or flight”. When our sympathetic nervous system kicks in, we feel we must escape or fight. This can be extremely valuable in the face of actual danger and is hardwired into our survival instinct.

A third part of your nervous system involves various vagal nerves. The ventral vagal nerve acts to counterbalance fight or flight instincts by triggering a relaxation response in our bodies. It is in this state that we can best interact with others and build and maintain good relationships.

So, at any given moment we can find our nervous system in a state of fight or flight, freeze, or social connection. Often we move fluidly between the three states throughout the day. 

A walk in the park

Picture yourself walking on the sidewalk next to a park on a Saturday morning. You slept well on Friday night and as you walk you take in the sounds around you: birds chirping, cars going by, people talking and kids playing. You feel the sun on your skin and a soft breeze on your face. You’re walking alone but you feel a sense of connectedness to yourself, others, and nature. You smile at passersby and genuinely care about them, even in your brief interactions. You also notice the smell of the morning dew on the grass and flowers in bloom. You’re in the ventral vagal (or social connection) part of your nervous system.

All of a sudden you hear a loud car horn and someone yells “WATCH OUT!”. All of a sudden you feel this rush of energy in your body. Your heart starts to race, your palms sweat, your face flushes and you feel a sudden urge to either run away from the noise or look back and get ready for something bad to happen to you. This is your sympathetic nervous system taking over.

Or you might hear the car horn and the yelled warning and completely freeze, unable to move or look back. You stand still, maybe duck your head, and brace yourself for whatever is about to happen. The dorsal vagal part of your parasympathetic nervous system has taken over, freezing you to the spot.

Regardless of your initial response, you eventually see that a dog got off his leash and had run out in front of a car. The car honk was the driver trying to get the dog to either move quickly out of the way. The “WATCH OUT!” warning was the dog owner trying to make sure the driver saw the dog. The dog returns safely to his owner and the driver in the car carries on with his day. Neither the worse in the long run for the encounter.

Once you realize that you were never in danger and that everything turned out ok, you resume your walk and quickly return to the ventral vagal part of your nervous system. You don’t even think about that incident the rest of the day except maybe to calmly relate it to someone else. 

Getting stuck

This example illustrates the typical flow throughout the states of our nervous system. But if our sympathetic or parasympathetic nervous systems get stuck in fight, flight, or freeze there can be severely negative physical, emotional, and relational impacts.

Finding yourself feeling stuck in fight, flight, or freeze can be a symptom of chronic stress or trauma. When stuck in a survival state, you can develop anxiety, depression, PTSD, and gastrointestinal or cardiovascular distress. You may find yourself having relationship difficulties or engaging in addictive or impulsive behaviors. These outward signs of a stuck survival state are often what bring people into therapy.

Back to a relaxed baseline state

Our bodies and nervous system are designed to always end up in ventral vagal (the social connection part of our nervous system) and sometimes need help getting back there.

So, how do we get our nervous system unstuck? There are two therapeutics approaches, and one or both may be helpful for you depending on your particular circumstances.

Some therapists are specially trained to help you understand your unique nervous system patterns and responses. They can uncover the specific triggers for your fight, flight or freeze responses and teach you how to help your body move out of a persistent survival response.

It may be that underlying chronic stress or trauma, either past or present, needs to be addressed so that your nervous system can recalibrate to the normal and appropriate engagement of your fight, flight, and freeze responses.

If you feel like you’re in a constant state of agitation or avoidance, or if you just feel frozen, please reach out. We can help you understand and deal with a stuck nervous system and move you back toward a grounded, connected, confident, and hopeful life.